I take it that you are the captain of the sun.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What did Mars tell to Saturn? Give me a ring sometime!
Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?
So you can log in.
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time? You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
I’m so glad prohibition was repealed, because I’m drunk on you.
Why is Facebook like jail? You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you really don't know.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
“Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.”
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and people who love you. And I don't love chocolate.
Lava is red and tsunamis are blue. If I had to choose a case study, I’d choose you.
An intrepid explorer named Petty,
Intended to capture a yeti.
But the yeti yelled, Freeze!
I’ve a gun—on your knees,
While my Dad gets the ring and confetti.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
How hot does your gas oven get?
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
Could I have your name and number for my prayer list?
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach …”
Make love, not war.
Or if you want to do both – get married!
Which sea creature gives the best hugs?
A cuttlefish
Do you happen to know sign language? Because this is the last time you’ll hear from me.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure
I was reading the book of numbers yesterday, and I realized I don’t have yours.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.