Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I snuggle to get through these winter days.

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.

Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.

A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.

“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.

If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!

Daddy, how was I born?
Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway!
Mom and Dad got together in a chat room.
Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe.
We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick.
As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed virus appeared.
And that's the story.

I don't normally like girls who wear red coats. But, for you I'll make an exception.

My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.

I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.

The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures
Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.

Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.

What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.

Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop.

Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.

I whale-y like you.

The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.

What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!

My wife got mad at me for being lazy... It's not like I did something!

I always have a ball with you.

What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!

What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby

"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus

"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle

What do you think is a frog’s favorite summertime treat?
Hopsicles!

Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!

Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.

Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.

Why did the bus driver quit his job? It was driving him mad.

Are you p>0.5, because I’d never reject you.

What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?
Where were you on the night of September to March?

What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.

Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.

The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.

Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.

According to the multiverse theory, there’s at least one universe where we end up together. Do you want this universe to be one of them?

I listenend to the football game on the radio. It was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
So I tirned to my dad and said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"

"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry

What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!

Let's hang out sometime. You bring your beaker and I'll bring my stirring rod.

Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.

My love life is like a game of minesweeper.
I ignore a bunch of red flags and it always blows up in my face.

My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.

My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.

Do you need new shoes?
Coz you've been running through my mind since the day I met you.

What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.

What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.

Visitors are Doolin over these gorgeous views.