The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During APE-ril showers.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
As summer approaches, I think it’s a good idea to use two deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Until I saw you, I didn't believe I'd ever see an arctic fox.
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
"I'm not a stop along the way. I'm a destination."
- Gossip Girl
After the guy broke his arm skiing, he realized it was all downhill from there.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? I doubt you’d get it. It’s over your head.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Get in the swim this summer.
What is a Greek dog’s favorite dessert?
Barklava!
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
I love you from my head tomatoes.
That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy
He's pretty ham-fisted
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Don’t give into beer pressure.
I knew this gift would make you smile,
It's perfect for your many adventures,
Now you can take a bite out of life,
With a pair of brand-new dentures.
(Kevin Nishmas)
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
It's ice to meet you.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
I saw a documentary today about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage.
But I believe this sub's doing even better!
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
Did all Europeans give Native Americans smallpox on purpose?
Or is that a blanket statement?
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
What do you always get on your birthday?
Another year older.
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
I think we Anthon-eed to get to know each other soon
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!