Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
I’d be Carol-ying if I said you weren’t absolutely stunning.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,
While you were arguing over that glass of water, I drank it.
-Opportunist
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
I’m thinking about buying a new phone because this crappy one doesn’t have your number in it.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
After checking my poor results, the art teacher shouted, "Never in a vermilion years have I seen such poor grades"!
“I bought a new jacket for a hiking trip. It’s called a trail blazer.”
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
Why aren't there more Bigfoot jokes?
There are, but they're really hard to find!
It doesn't matter whether you are tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor; at the end of the day...
It's night.
Girl you are rocking this run.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
Cutest clover in the patch.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
How did Poseidon greet the sea monster?
- Hey buddy, what's kraken?
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
I hear you're looking for a stud. Well, I've got the STD and all I need is you.
Why did the two Irish men fight amongst themselves?
They can’t find any other worthy opponents.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Why did the fish cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
You’re brew-tiful!
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
You know you’re getting old when…
You need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.