What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
Are you a Frappuccino? Because I want to be that whipped cream on the top.
Are you from Starbucks because I like you a latte!
There are three things verbose realtors find most important:
Loquacion. Loquacion. Loquacion.
I lost my wrist watch somewhere near my house.
Now it’s the neighborhood watch.
Let's skip the Netflix on the sofa and go straight to chill in my bed.
Wanna exchange genetic information with me?
Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?
Me: No.
Judge: *(covers mic)* What do I do?
Did you know you can hear blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
I have a good nature joke but after listening to it, everyone just leaves.
Sorry, But You Owe Me A Drink. Well, When I Saw You, I Dropped Mine.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
Knock Knock Jokes
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework?
The se* was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Readers do it by the book.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
Don't get caught elvesdropping on Santa!
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
There was an Old Man who said, 'How
Shall I flee from that horribke cow?
I will sit on this stile,
And continue to smile,
Which may soften the heart of that cow.'
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
"I mead more wine."
Vasco de Balboa told the Queen of Spain, “I discovered a large body of water on my journey.”
She said, “Could you be a little more pacific?”
I can sea clearly now.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
This may be cheesy, but I think you're grate.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
May I have the distinguished honor and privilege of sitting next to you?
You looking at me is making me turn as red as that roasted beet salad.