What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
My friend learned Spanish by jotting sentences repeatedly...
He used wrote learning.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
My love for you is like the universe… never-ending!
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
"It's been an emotional day," said the groom. "Even the cake is in tiers."
Woah, that attractive field of yours is pulling me in! By any chance, are you a Van de Graaff generator?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Comb
Comb who?
Comb on down and I'll tell you!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What was Moses' favorite color?
Red, see?
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Why couldn't the father afford to take his kids to classical music concerts?
Because he was Baroque
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?"
Little Johnny: "Big hands!"
What did the turkey say after Thanksgiving dinner? I'm still stuffed.
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
There’s an earthquake in my heart, and you’re the epicenter.
Girl, it would be both a Crime and a Punishment if you don't let me take you out.
Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you.”
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”
“Not a problem,” he replies. Just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
“Oh darling,” she replies, “ what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.”
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Alan Dundes
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
I'd start a revolution for your number.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.