How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What’s a skeleton’s second favorite instrument?
A sax-a-bone.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
What do you call a dad joke about skeletons?
A skele-pun!
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
“When I’m under stress, I do yoga. It’s when I’m happiest that I have a problem with junk food.” — Britney Spears
Our school trip was a special occasion.
But we never reacher our destination.
Instead of the zoo.
I was locked in the loo.
of the toilet at the service station!
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
What kind of ghoul has the best hearing?
The eeriest!
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Flat earthers fear 6 feet social distancing could push some people over the edge.
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball
Hey, would you like to be lab partners? It would be a pleasure to do some anatomy and biology experiments with you.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
Call me Ishmael. Or just call me.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
My sister's laptop is so sassy and fun, it loves to play disc-o music.
I have been expelled from the Flat Earth Society.
Apparently, I went too far.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
If you date me, you'll eventually see a diamond.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
I'm just like a dumpling. I have fillings for you.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
Hey girl, did you know I'm a cashier?
Because I'm totally checking you out.
It's cold and rainy on Halloween
Where monsters and goblins are always seen
They're at my door asking for sweets
But they don't want tricks only treats
I could close my door but that would be mean.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.