How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
Were you arrested today? It must be illegal to look so beautiful.
Why did one camel spit and stomp when the other camel stole its cheese?
Because they’re “dramadairies”
Baby, meeting you was better than an NHL lockout ending.
Snow on and snow forth.
“She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”
– Richelle Mead
I'm actually way hotter than poutin.
I would ask for Netflix and Chill, but you look like you are into more interactive stories.
Why do people take an instant dislike to real estate agents?
To save time.
No-bunny is as hare-larious as you.
Why did the mommy and daddy werewolves call their son “Camera”?
Because he was always snapping at things!
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why did they arrest the volleyball player? They suspected foul play.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Are you looking for a shallow relationship?
What's a ghost's favorite makeup to wear? Mas-scare-a!
Who was the smartest man in the Bible?
Abraham. He knew a Lot.
I've been dying to go to Greece on vacation.
But all they serve is bar food.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse...
I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need.
Here's a raisin. Sorry if it is not enough but I can give you a date on Saturday.
Can I have your number so I can call you anytime I miss you?
There was an Old Person of Tartary,
Who divided his jugular artery;
But he screeched to his wife,
And she said, 'Oh, my life!
Your death will be felt by all Tartary!'
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.