Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
How many birds can cross the road?
Toucan.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
Girl, it makes sense and sensibility for us to go out.
You're a beluga in this sea of cod.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
A con artist is an artist who draws pictures of criminal suspects.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
Make your own decisions this summer, don't give in to pier pressure.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
You're so beautiful, even the leaves fall for you.
Dr. Phil says that I am afraid of a commitment. Do you want to prove him wrong?
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
George Burns
Robin Williams
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If a star fell every time I thought of you, the sky would be dark at night.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
My love for you is like the universe… never-ending!
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Why did Prince Charming take the Thanksgiving Turkey to the ball instead of Cinderella?
The turkey was already dressed.
Are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? ‘Cause you are F-I-Ne.
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
"Bugs and hisses."
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
For my birthday, my friends gave me a bunch of dirt and sand.
I appreciated the sediment.
I have 3 eyes , 2 noses and a mouth. What am I?
Ugly.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Hold up, I don't want to fall for anyone else but you, so let me tie my shoes now.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason