What do you call the shirt a neurosurgeon wears to every brain surgery?
His specialty.
"I whip my hare back and forth."
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Hello Boo-tiful.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!
55. How do you tell a car you are supporting it?
‘We are routing for you!’
“A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter.” – Patricia Briggs
What type of art do skeletons like?
Skulltures!
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I put the “man” in Manitoba.
Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
I'm sorry did you say you drove the ski-doo, what's your ring size?
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Who needs a sled when you can just ride me?
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
“My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she is coming with me.”
- Jon Bon Jovi
Baby I'm gonna teach you what love's all about tonight
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
You are one well-defined function!
You think you're big.
With your fancy little words.
This is not so hard.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
He threw three free throws.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
"Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness."
— Nanea Hoffman
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Gave my pet leopard a bath every day. Now he’s spotless.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
What happened when the kid got confused with beavers and coypus in the exam? He said, " I otter know better."
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Are you a dog? Because I'd like to throw you a bone.
Excuse me, there has been a heartbreak incident and I need your number to solve it.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.