What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
How about you and I form a binary system?
What do you call a tree that grows deodorant, toothpaste and tampons?
A toiletry.
Hold still, there's a mosquito on your a$$.
My birch of a wife just told me she wants a divorce. Says she’s tired of all of my tree puns.
Genie: "What’s your first wish?"
Steve: "I wish I was rich."
Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
I knew a guy who gave away his art but he only seemed to paint ducks with incomplete faces.
I asked about it once and he said "I like to bill them later."
Sorry if this is extra cheesy, but you have a pizza my heart.
I’m glad that you’re my mother,
Kind and caring and strong.
Because surely no-one else,
Could have put up with me this long!
Two monkeys are high up in the tree.
One turns to the other and says, “Oooo ooo aah aahh!!”
The second monkey says, “Well put some cold water on it then!"
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Why did the wizard rush to the hospital?
He had a staff infection.
What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
What chord does jesus play on guitar?
Gsus
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.
Norway are you leaving without giving me your number!
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What can't cows stand on their hind legs?
Because they lactose.
I have no idea how you can look so great pre-coffee.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
Are you maple syrup? ‘Cause you taste so sweet.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.
But they banned flavored vapes.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did daddy ghoul say to his youngest son?
Stop ghouling around!
“Don’t wear perfume in the garden – unless you want to be pollinated by bees.”
— Anne Raver
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
“I tried yoga once but took off for the mall halfway through class, as I had a sudden craving for a soft pretzel and world peace.” – Terri Guillemets
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
In later years was the Great One in decline? Yes he was on the Wayne.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!