Crossbows are great, but they have their drawbacks.
Nice Skates... wanna puck?
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
Defeat in soccer is only bitter if you swallow it.
I scored when I met you.
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall."
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What do you call a Greek love song?
An Aphro-ditty.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Roses are red, violets are blue. There’s nothing in the world more prettier than you.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.
He looked like he was running out of womb in there.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
You smell. We should go take a shower together.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
Shell yeah.
Can I get your number? Because I like you a latte.
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
Are you my lines? Because I could never forget you.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
I've just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I Love All Pizza
Sausage ,Pepperoni, Or Cheese
Pizza Love
Its Forever
In My Heart
It Makes Life Better
Pizza Love
Pizza, Please?
I REALLY LIKE PIZZA
Sausage, Pepperoni, and Cheese.
(Camryn Noell)
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
It’s a beautiful Degas!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”
- Steve Ryan.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
We’ve reached the pint of no return.
Distill my beating heart.
I wanna bob for your apples.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
There was an Old Lady whose folly,
Induced her to sit on a holly;
Whereon by a thorn,
Her dress being torn,
She quickly became melancholy.
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
I’m not sure, but I think I’m falling in love with you already.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
I'm a good basketball handler, what about you?
Are you in the on deck circle? Çause you're up next.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
I thought Happiness starts with H. But why does mine starts with U.