What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Normally my species is cold blooded, but around you I am hot blooded.
What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a break from delivering gifts? Santa Pause!
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
The airline lost my luggage, and so I sued them. Unfortunately, I lost the case.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Are you from a fairytale? Your beauty is magical
"The Full Moon is a natural furnomenon," said the werewolf.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
My sister just bought a set of odorless perfumes.
It doesn’t make any scents.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
Hypochondriacs aren't OK
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
What do you call a werewolf YouTuber?
A lycansubscribe
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
“Every mile is two in winter.”
Why did the bat look for a job?
She was tired of hanging around.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
"I love running cross country. On a track, I feel like a hamster."
Robin Williams
I love all of your stratified layers!
Did you know you can hear the blood flowing close to the skin?
You just have to listen varicosely.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
Nurse: No change yet.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What's a pun's favorite movie?
It's a Punderful Life!
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.