Where do ghosts play volleyball at? At the volleyball corpse.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
I'm using the wishbone to manifest a date with you.
Why did the skeleton start a fight?
He had a bone to pick.
Grandma runs the kitchen like a turtle-tarian; give her some space there.
“Why is Monday so far from Friday? And why is Friday so close to Monday?”
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
"Let's hop on the good foot and do the bad thing."
- Austin Powers (1999)
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Got plans for leftovers, yet?
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
How many rabbits does it take to change a light bulb? Only one if it hops right to it.
The soccer player brought string to her game because she wanted to tie the score.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
C, Eb, and G walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors."
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
It's ice to meet you.
Are you a volcano? Because I lava you so much!
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
If you happen to knock down all the pins, don’t be overly excited. Spare us the details.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
We have such great chemistry that we should do some biology together.
Just look, it’s the Trifle Tower
Call me AC/DC, because I'm gonna rock you all night long!
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
You feta have a gouda birthday.
I may not be Mumford, but do you want to have my sons?
Girl sat on a swing.
Trying to sing a song for god.
Missing him, not me.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.