Dublin over in laughter.

The coffee shop owner was afraid. He wanted to know if the shop had ground to operate in the black.

Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.

My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"

My ex-husband was very responsible. If anything went wrong, he was usually responsible for it.

What does a real estate agent from Seychelles specialized in beachfront properties do?
She sells Seychelles by the seashore.

"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown

“Winter is like fall except you need five pairs of leggings instead of one.”

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog

What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.

Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her

I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.

What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.

Where do spiders play football?
Webley Stadium.

What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox

If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.

Are you wearing space pants? Because your a** is out of this world.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.

Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown

What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.

What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!

What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.

I less than three you.

What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.

What is a favorite game for ghouls?
Chase!

"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote

Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Everybody wants to light up a soccer stadium. However, this is only possible using a soccer match.

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!

A mixture of black, white, and red usually refers to a panda who has experienced severe sunburn!

"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie

What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.

10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.

“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.

What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles

Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile

What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.

"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.

Where there’s a Willow there’s a way… and I hope this was a good way to break the ice

Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.

Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.

You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.