What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.

Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.

The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin

What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.

Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.

"Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod"

Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
was known for eating all things odd.
The thing that bothered me the most
has he spread toothpaste on his toast?

“It’s springtime fresh, so cool and minty.”
His smiling eyes were bright and squinty.
On baked potatoes, he would slather
one half can of shave cream lather.

I don’t know how his tum could cope
as he ingested cubes of soap.
At times his food choice made a scene;
at least he kept his innards clean.

– Denise Rodgers

What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.

How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!

What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.

"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry

Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!

What do you call it when you get mugged on the vernal equinox?
The first robbin’ of spring!

What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.

How do you work out how many rolls of toilet paper are in 4 packets of 16?
Multiply.

Kindly kittens knitting mittens keep kazooing in the king’s kitchen.

“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”

- Mike Todd.

You love dogs. I love dogs. I think we may just be the paw-fect match.

What a pun's dream job?
To be an acu-pun-cturist!

Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.

Did you damage my cerebellum? Because I’m falling all over the place for you.

Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?

"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long

What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!

I’m ready to shamrock and roll.

“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin

Why do vampires need cold medicine?
For their coffin.

Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!

What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.

Just shooting my shot here, because you look so good. Hope it lands, but I guess Wesley..

"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"

What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.

Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."

"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."

You’re so beautiful, you make me feel like an arpeggiated chord… broken.

I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.

“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland

How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”

I don't mean to brag, but I'm one of the fastest speed-readers in the tri-county area.

The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.

What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.

You mermaid to go far.

Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.

French, French Revolution

Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!

Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.

The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.

The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.

How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!