What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
― Richard Brautigan
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand...hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it.
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard.
I’m not a huge fan of the bark.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
I didn’t know that my favorite Halloween treat came in life size!
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
If the Hubble Telescope got married...
It would be called the Hubby Telescope.
By any chance, is your atomic number 11? Well, it’s because you are sodium fine!
How hot does your gas oven get?
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Fairies just spell trouble.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
“They laugh at me because I’m different: I laugh at them because they’re all the same.”
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Could I get your number so I can take you out to dinner Anna movie?
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil aunties.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
I don’t have a controller,
And I don’t have a screen,
I don’t need to be plugged in,
I’m not grey and green.
I can’t make sound effects,
Or visuals that are fantastic,
You can’t put me on a shelf,
Because I’m not made of plastic.
However, I do have curves,
Will keep you entertained all the same,
You can’t insert a disc,
But we can make our own little game.
(Sarah Allen)
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.