I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
Why do they put fences around graveyards? Because people are dying to get in!
Santa’s whiskey was much too hearty,
It seems he was a bit of a smarty;
The last day of October,
He is clearly not sober,
He’s wound up at a Halloween party.
“Climbing to the top of the mountain is fun, but everything is just downhill from there.”
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. -- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
I am sure it is not this jog, you definitely just took my breath away.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Did you see the glitch earlier? You weren’t listed as the top hottest single.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
You must be related to Nikola Tesla because you're electrifying.
Wanted to use a cheesy pickup line but toBrianna-st with you, I think puns are sort of ovedone
Sit back and relax… I fix broken hearts.
“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
Jim Carrey
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Hey there, will you Vio-let me take you out sometime this weekend?
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
Hey, girl. Are you a soccer player? Because yuo look like you can play ball even without hands.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
First you got an alligator.
Next came a giraffe.
Lions ride your elevator,
bears hide in your bath.
Bunnies,
chimps,
(a duck?),
raccoons.....
run amok through all your rooms!
Soon, if you don't set them free - there will be no room for me!
(Lycia Harding)
Are you going to a beauty contest? Because you are looking damn beautiful.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
Herb your enthusiasm.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.