Roses are red,
Violets are yellow,
I’m hoping this poem,
Will get me a fellow

What did the deer say after prancing around a cloning machine for an hour?
“I feel like a million bucks!”

"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."

What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.

You might as well go for a younger guy. Why?
They never mature anyway.

You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.

People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.

Once I did hear my brother call
The sun a giant fire ball.
How can that be?
For what I see,
Is something up high so small.

I see it at the break of dawn,
When it announces the day is on.
Its brilliant gold,
A joy to behold,
And being outside is so much fun.

John might be right, for I must say,
The sun is not so cool at midday.
Its shining light
Is just so bright,
I have to pull my eyes away.

Evening comes and it's so strange
How the sun still appears to change.
No longer small,
A bigger ball.
Its tone, now a lovely bright orange!

This curious ball hanging up high,
For me, raises many questions why.
But when it shines,
Then life is fine.
Thank God the sun is in the sky.

(By Abimbola T. Alabi)

When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!

What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.

What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.

If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"

Wanna go out sometime? I think we’d have Avery fun time together

What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.

You remind me of a thunderstorm: positively striking.

"Don’t forget to drink water and get some sun. You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions."

The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.

“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney

How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!

My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".

My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”

Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.

What do you call a fruit that cannot get married?
A cantelope.

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles

What does a frog in Paris eat?
French Flies.

What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.

What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.

My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.

Seas the day.

Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!

What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”

Do you know why the U.S. Navy always keeps at least two canaries on board each of their submarines?
Because everyone knows that if you have a big sub you also need a good set of tweeters.

Wow, I was just wishing for a soulmate Anna minute later, we matched. What are the chances?

Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.

When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.

I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.

Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.

There was a young person called Smarty,
Who sent out his cards for a party.
So exclusive and few,
Were the friends that he knew,
That no one was present but Smarty.

Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.

What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.

What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes

Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!

Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.

Ever since I laid my eyes on you
I have been wanting to ask you something
Something that has been eating me up
I knew I had to ask it when I got the chance
Are you on twitter?
So that I can follow you

(Anonymous)

Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.

My computer wants to build a snowman.
It's frozen.

Why are goats and rhinos attracted to each other?
Because they are both horny animals.

How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.

Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.

What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.