I see we’re both doing Pigeons!

Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.

Our love, it has grown
Similar to your age
We have come so far
And have been through ups
And through downs.
Hopefully you can take
One more year of me being a clown.

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck

Don't be a jerk-o-lantern

Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.

I was getting a record player down from a shelf and it dropped on my head!

But it didn't effect me

It didn't affect me

It didn't affect me

It didn't affect me...

What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.

Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.

“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown

Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!

I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.

Whoa, Domi-nice pics you got there

I’m super friendly with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I just don’t know why.

Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.

Halloween is over. Why are you still dressed as an angel?

"Don’t Be Silly"

Are there bugs that live on the moon?
Can July come before June?
Can the sun ever feel cold?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.

Why can’t we live under the sea?
The creatures there seem so happy.
Why does cheese look like gold?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.

So why are things the way they are?
Has it always been, right from the start?
Will Mickey Mouse ever get old?
“Don’t be silly” I’m often told.

So in good time I know I’ll grow,
And I will learn, this I know.
I’ll ask my questions and be bold,
“And that’s not silly” I’ll be told.

– Dave Moran

For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.

I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.

What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus

Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers

In another town, the cowboy rides in wearing a paper suit. Paper pants, paper jacket, paper chaps. Even a paper holster!
He wasn't in town ten minutes before he was arrested for rustling.

“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown

Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!

What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.

Why is it so tough to become a real estate attorney?
You always have to deal with battles of wills.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy

Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.

“Demanding something from a Scorpio is a sure way to not have it happen.”

If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.

I met my wife at a travel agency
She was looking for a vacation and I was her last resort.

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
10-tickles.

"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."

I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.

Babe, you are like my right temporoparietal areas: I’d be lost without you.

What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"

What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny

My favorite element on the periodic table is Uranium, because I am in love with U.

What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!

Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!

I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn’t trained.

What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy

You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.

I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger

"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart

Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.

There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.

Which films is the car’s favourite?

WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.