You're as classy as the first Pan Am flight.
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
These voices in my head have been telling me to come over here and talk to you.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Why are cowboys prone to gambling?
Because they're always raising the steaks.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
Falling in love with you takes less time than my DNA takes to replicate.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Who is your Daddy,
And what does he do?
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
So, are you the kinda guy to Lu-kiss and tell?
There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’ll you have?”
The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”
Asked my son what his favourite thing about Popeye was.
He said, "Forearms."
I said, "No, he only has two."
Why couldn’t the skeleton get out of bed?
He was bone tired.
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
Whoa, Heaven must be missing an angel! Because you’re dead to me.
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
All punts are highly intended
Hey baby are you a boxer? You should try it, because your one hell of a knock out!
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.