What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?
It's tide.
I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
What are the chances I open with a pun that’s so bad you Leah-ve me hanging?
What is Medusa’s favorite cheese?
Gorgonzola.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
If I told you I worked at Home Depot, would you let me handle your tool?
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
Today, my arm got pinned between my wife's chest and the chair.
It was booby trapped.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
Why didn’t the teacher want to fart in front of anyone?
He was a private tootor.
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
I told my husband I was excited to see who's nose our baby has on the ultrasound.
He said, "He can't have my nose, I need it!"
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Allow me to synapse with you, and we shall store the most wonderful of memories.
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
“People do not wish to appear foolish; to avoid the appearance of foolishness, they are willing to remain actually fools.”
- Alice Walker
Why do I want raisins when you are my only grape? Let's have some wine.
CRIME: Sheriff Asks For 13.7% Increase
I hate oranges. Will you be my main squeeze?
I'm wearing green, you're wearing green, we have so much in common we should go out sometime.
Circumcision Now Seen As Pointless.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
You're the sinoatrial node of my heart. Without you, even a defibrillator won't save me.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two...