Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
You must be Gisele Bundchen’s twin sister. You know the one no one talks about because she’s more beautiful than Gisele.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Let's cross the international dateline together.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
Your body must be made of oxygen and neon because you are the ONe.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Try to take a tiger from his daddy's side, That's how love gonna keep us tied
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
I was prepping the raw turkey for Thanksgiving dinner
It was fowl.
Let's make some sweet music together, honey
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
"You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen foods section—because you could melt all this stuff."
- Steve Martin, My Blue Heaven (1990)
Where do Astronauts go to the bathroom?
Where no one has gone before.
Hey, not sure if I should be telling you this, but I’m a Prince and I’m currently looking for my Cinder-Bella
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
You must be Drumheller, ‘cause I totally dig you.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
I threw a party for all the workers who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late...
...but he really knew how to make an entrance.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Let’s show Potassium and water that the two of us can make a more energetic reaction together than them!
Whats the difference between and orchestra and a bull? On the bull the horns are in the front and the a***ole is in the back.
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
Don’t go bacon my heart.
What are male twins inside a pregnant woman called?
Em-bro-yos.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
There once was a girl named Zoe,
She went out in her yard which was quite snowy.
She ate her brother,
Asked her parents for another,
So they had another named Joey.
There was a young lady of Kent,
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
If you think the 45 degree ski slope is tough,
Wait until you try the 110 degree hot tub!
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
A plumber comes home very upset and yells out to his wife- "honey, you would not believe the bidet I've had."
There once was a Halloween party
All of the costumes there were naughty
I tried to be cute
Wearing my birthday suit
And won the prize for costume most gaudy.
The highlight of the year for dear old Dad
Was Halloween when treats were to be had
His modus operandi
Son you collect the candy
Snickers for me - licorice for you lad.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.