Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.