Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.