Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!