What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-