What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.