Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!