What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!