What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!