Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.