Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.