Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.