What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!