Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What did Delaware? a New Jersey