What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Can February march?
No, but April may.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Can February March? No. But April May.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud