Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.