What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.