What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!