What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.