What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.