What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)