Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!