Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.