What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.