Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.