Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around