What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!