What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!