What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.