How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.