Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.