What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.