What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear