What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.