What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T