Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time