How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Can February March? No. But April May.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet. Nobody new why.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest