Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!