What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.