Can February march?
No, but April may.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Can February March? No. But April May.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.