What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!