What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What do you get when you plant kisses? Tu-lips (two-lips)
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!