Can February March? No. But April May.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back