What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?