Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in? A water
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!