What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!