What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?
Snap chat.