Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.