What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.