What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.