What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.