What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”