What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.