What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.