Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.