My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.

What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.