What makes music on your head?
A headband.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.

What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.

What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.