What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.