Did you know that doctors that perform circumscisions don’t make a lot of money for those operations?
They only get paid in tips.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.
It was looking a bit pale.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
Ya know, I was supposed to be a doctor.
But I just didn’t have the patience.
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, “You'll just have to be a little patient then”.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"
Me: "And?"
Her name is Carly and she's a doctor
maybe I should C A Rly good doctor.
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Tell him I can't see him right now."
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic.
She got a divorce the next day.
Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’
Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
“While I was in the doctor’s waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. Although he was there before me, he let me see the doctor first. I suppose he just had to be a little patient.”
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it:
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Guy: "Whats the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: OMG, and the good news?
Doc: You now have a tic tac toe.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.